Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Mami/Papi Training- Day 1

Wikipedia defines "pre term birth" as any baby born before completing 37 weeks of gestation inside their mommy. "Premies", as we are called, tend to be smaller in size than the other babies our age. Therefore...OUR CLOTHES NEED TO BE SMALLER TOO!

Hello? These are supposed to be shorts that I am wearing... not cargo pants. My mommy is mortified. She wants to run out and buy me a whole new wardrobe. My daddy just laughs and calls me DJ Jazzy Esteban and the Fresh Prince. Mommy gets mad when he does that but it's still better than what he really wanted to call me. Sir-Poops-A-Lot.

The first 24 hours of their training has had a little bit of everything. We spent a lot of time on the computer talking to my new extended family. I met my grandparents in Puerto Rico, my grandfather in Texas, my aunts and uncles in Orlando, New Jersey, Kentucky and Miami. I'm sure they are all nice people but jeez... what a bunch of cry-babies. Here's a bit of advice people... telling a kid how handsome he is and then blowing a snot bubble out your nose immediately afterwards tends to kill the moment... I'm just saying.

I decided to give the folks a little thrill and show them some of my moves. That's right sports fans... I can stand up all by myself.

Can you dig it? I knew that you could.

Mommy immediately dialed up Grandma in Puerto Rico on the internet camera so I could demonstrate for her on live TV... of course, I refused. What am I, a circus monkey? Please. I'm an artist!

I decided to play it really cool the first 10 hours or so. I didn't cry, I didn't fuss. I was the sweetest, calmest baby anybody ever saw. Daddy was even talking trash about how easy this whole parenting thing was going to be.

Heh, heh, heh.... Rookie.

My first tantrum came at 2:13 AM. You should have seen them. It was priceless. Actually, mommy was great. She jumped up and had me in her arms within 3.6 seconds. On the other hand, it took Daddy 4 minutes just to untangle himself from the sheets. Once I got my milk, I chilled... until 3:56 AM when I unleashed a bowel movement that would scare a Green Beret.

Daddy attempted to change my diaper alone... note the word attempted. You see folks, it's not only my clothes that are 2 sizes too big. It's also my diapers. So let's just say that I really know how to spread the love around. In the end mommy had to step in and rescue him.

In conclusion, my first 2 tests proved a lot. I learned that Mommy is a keeper. She's calm under pressure and cooks a mean sopita de fidello. She sings to me when I'm sleepy and her kisses on my feet make me giggle. Daddy, however, looks a little nervous. I think the old man's a little rattled after last night. But I think he'll eventually come around.

He thinks he's funny and he seems to be quite fond of me. This is us playing a game he invented called the Laredo Roller Coaster. I think I'll keep him. For now... Let's see what day 2 brings.