Thursday, March 24, 2011

How I Managed To Injure A Fully Grown Man Simply By Playing Peek-A-Boo With Him For 11 Seconds

Before I do anything on this post I must start off with an apology. I've never gone this long without posting and I promise that I'll never do it again. It's been a little hectic over at the ol' homestead and I'm just starting to get back to my normal rythm. What's been going on is that both my parents got really busy with their jobs. Mommy got a job that lasted 2 months and she was really busy during her production. Then 3 weeks ago, Daddy's TV show started it's 13 week run and he's been a ghost ever since.

And guess who got left holding the bag?

Look... I'm not one to complain, but I've had to do the majority of the housework around here for the last 3 weeks. Laundry, Dishes,car maintanance, landscaping.

Okay so maybe I'm exagerating a bit but you get my point. I've been extremely busy. When Mommy was working I was mostly with Daddy and he needs a lot of help so I was spending a lot of time with him and teaching him to be a parent. You know, trying to instill a little confidence in him. And now that it's Daddy who's working a lot I'm always with Mommy and she's a wiley one that always keeps me on my toes. Trips to the zoo, to the park and even to visit family in Orlando and Tampa.

So now that life has started to get back to normal a little bit with Mommy and me hanging out together most of the time, it's given me a little time to reflect and analyze my situation and let me tell you folks... I've come a long way. I am now able to communicate with my parents and let them know what I want. I don't always get it, mind you, but at least I can now put in the request. For example: I like drinking water a lot. I mean it. I can't get enough of water in any form.

Ice? I crunch it with my 9 teeth.
Steam? Love it. Makes me sleepy.
Water? Splash me, dunk me and let me drink it down. I love water!

I don't know if I've made clear enough my affinity for the wet stuff...

The point is that I love water but I especially love it from a Big Boy cup. Not from my sippy cups... those are for little kids. I like drinking water from Daddy's cup witht he huge chunks of ice. So picture the scene: Daddy and I on the sofa watching TV while he sips water from his cup. Actually, truth be told, Daddy is usually the one watching TV while I rip apart and destroy the sofa cushions. It's a lot of fun but it sure helps you build up a huge thirst.

So I look up at him and say, clear as a bell, Mas? Astonished, Daddy lowers the cup to my lips and tilts the glass.... I drink... he puts the glass back down on the table and then I look up at him... Mas? I say again... and again he lifts the cup to my lips and allows me to drink. Well I don't mind telling you the mistake that that was for him that day. We spent the next 42 minutes with the same routine.

Mas?... drink... cup back down on the table
Mas?... drink... cup back down on the table
Mas?... drink... cup back down on the table

It was awesome. It was as if a light clicked on inside my head at that very moment. Everything that I want has a special code word for it. And as long as I attempt to say it Chances are pretty good that I'll get it.

If I don't like what's happening at that very moment... Nah!
If I want my Mommy... Mama!
If I want my Daddy... Papa!
If I want the cat... Lalah! (her name is Lola... I'm working on it people okay?)
If I want a bottle... Tete!
When I hold a cell phone to my ear... Hola?
When I leave a room... Adios
When I enter a room... (I blow kisses)
That's just how I roll people. And with this new power comes a whole new world of opportunities. I no longer just sit there waiting for Daddy to figure out on his own that I haven't eaten in 5 hours. Now, all I do is walk into the kitchen and and start yelling Mas!... Mas! Daddy knows to come into the kitchen and give me a fruit cup or some crackers. It's a beautiful system. I always wondered what the big deal about talking was and now I get it. The thrill doesn't come from the talking but rather from people understanding what you're saying.

But I guess I better get to explaining the title of this post. It was all just a big misunderstanding, really. Daddy and I are at the stage where we are starting to play games together. There's a game called I stole your nose. Then there's a game called Ninja Daddy where we fight on the couch. Then there's Underwater Monster during bath time and Undercover Monster during beddybye time. Let's see, there's Airplane Spoon Attack when I eat and Little Naked Brown Boy Olympics when I run down the hall for my bath.

Everything is a game with these two. Even something as simple as chasing bubbles in the backyard becomes a game called Bubble Terminator. They get so happy when I participate and do well so I always try my best to please them. So that leads me to last Monday morning. Daddy didn't have to go into work until the afternoon so we were able to have breakfast together as a family. So there I am, halfway through my 3-minute egg when Daddy gets his face and puts it right next to mine. Then he covers his face with his hands and starts saying: Where's Daddy? Where's Daddy?

So I figure that this is going to be some kind of test, right? He's asking me a question and he is looking to me to come up with the answer, right? It was then that he decided to open his hands (thereby exposing his face to me) and saying something silly like Peek-A-Boo!

He very well may have said Peek-A-Boo... but I heard Poke-My-Face. So I calmly poked my Daddy in the right eye. And this was no quick little poke. This was knuckle-deep... 3 seconds... and with a little wiggling while I was in there.

Arrrrgh! Yelled Daddy as he crumpled to the floor holding his eye. Mommy walks into the room and sees Daddy on the floor, writhing in pain, and me calmly sucking my thumb on my high chair. It took her a moment to speak as she was trying to understand the scene she was seeing.

What happened here? she asked
Your son just tried to kill me came the response
How did a 20-pound child manage to do that?
Well, first of all... he's a lot stronger than he looks

That was about all it took for Mommy to turn around and go back to the living room and finish whatever it was that she was doing.

I think that if there is a lesson to be learned here it's that you need to be careful what you teach a kid my age to do. We're all parrots and monkeys at this age. We repeat and imitate everything we hear and see. If everything is a game then get ready to deal with some of the consequences that go along with that. All I know is that I love my Daddy and would never hurt him intentionally... but at least now he knows not to poke the bear... Don't EVER poke the bear. He just might poke you in the eye.