Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Good Night... and Good Luck

This is indeed a bittersweet moment for me because as I write this post I am celebrating my parents' Gotcha Day. That's adoption-speak for the anniversary of the day that you get your parents. Yep. As hard as it is to believe it's been a whole year since I adopted my parents. It seems like only yesterday, I know, but it's actually been 365 days. People always say that time really flies once you have parents, and let me tell you... they're right. This year has gone by so incredibly fast. I can't believe how much they've grown, developed and matured as parents. I'll be talking in full sentences soon and I'll be ready for potty training this summer as well.

That's great news, I know... but as wonderful as this milestone is, it also marks a very sad ocassion for me. The reason being that this will be my final post and the end of this blog. Why? Well... the reasons will vary depending on the day of the week that you ask me and the mood that I happen to be in. But the long and short of it is... it just feels like the right time.

It's time for me to get on with the business of growing up and becoming a normal kid with parents who love him and friends who play with him and a huge extended family that spoils him. I will be turning 2 years old on the 4th of July and Daddy has, once again, promised to organize a nation-wide celebration for me. I don't know how he did it last year but people were setting off fireworks and celebrating with cookouts and picnics all over the country. Now... I agree with my parents when they say that I'm a great kid but for the entire country to react like that was really humbling and flattering. Once again, you Americans never cease to amaze me. So every year from now on I get to celebrate my birthday and my Gotcha Day. That's twice the presents and twice the attention and twice the love sports fans. It's not a bad deal if you can get it.

How did we celebrate? Well, in order to answer that we need to go back to the beginning. Mommy and Daddy were out camping when they got the phone call that they were waiting for letting them know that they had just been adopted. If you go back to my very first post you can actually see the phone call as it happens... well, that's not exactly accurate. The truth is that you will be able to listen to it happen because while Mommy had the turned on the video camera but it was 11 PM and the inside of the tent was too dark to see anything. So they decided that every year from now on we will all go camping on June 21st to celebrate Gotcha Day.

So off we went to the camp grounds in Disney World and roughed it. Well... if by roughing it you mean sleeping in a tent that sleeps ten people, a Queen-sized air mattress, running water, electricity and a portable air conditioner. Daddy's friends tease him about the way that he and Mommy like to go camping. They are of the opinion that it's called camping because you are supposed to actually camp out and become one with the elements. Daddy begs to differ. He says that the elements suck and that it's called camping not Oh my God this is horrible and I hate this get me out of here before I kill somebody!

The camping trip was awesome. We stayed up late and slept in. We ate hot dogs and hamburgers and we went swimming and I got to ride in a golf cart. I got to sleep in the same bed with Mommy and Daddy, which is the one thing that I love doing most in the world. The trip to the campgrounds lasted 4 hours and I slept most of the way so by the time that we got there I was full of energy and ready to go. I ran around the camp site while Mommy and Daddy were putting up the tent. Once the tent was up I ran inside of it and started playing with my toy cars while they un-packed the rest of the gear. Daddy eventually got around to starting a fire and cooking me up some hot dogs. We ate and then after the sun went down we just hung out around the fire and talked. Okay... truth be told, they talked while I sucked my thumb and farted every 9 minutes. Hey... you relax your way and I'll relax mine, okay? In the end, the camping trip was a huge success. So much so that I'm already looking forward to our next outing. Mommy says that we're going camping somewhere named Key Largo next time so that we can put our tent up right on the beach... nice.

Here are a few more pictures from our camping trip:

What's your handicap? Mine are my parents.

Another American concept that I love... Kiddy Pools.

Do you find me attractive? Am I seducing you with my body? I gotta be hinest with you... it happens a lot.

Yes, yes, yes Mother. I love you with all of my heart too... can I go back into the water now?

Okay, I've been informed that you are famous and there is nothing for me to be nervous about... however, and I'm just being honest with you here, I look at you and all I see is a 6 foot rat.

I want to apologize. It's not you, it's me. I have rodent issues and I realize that and It's something that I'm going to have to address with my therapist.... when I get one.

Can we put this tent up in my room when we get home... please?

So now I go about the business of growing up, falling down, getting back up again and doing all of those other things that normal little kids do every single day. Mommy says that I'm going to grow up to be a gentleman... Daddy says that I'm going to grow up to be a superhero. Either way, we'll all be together and that's all that matters. If the rest of the way with these two is going to be anything like this first year... It's going to be an interesting ride. I've come a long way since meeting my Parents. But anybody who's ever played sports will tell you that it isn't how you start, but how you finish that matters. And I gotta tell you, my start was a rough one.

There are those that would say that I was abandoned and forgotten in a hospital in Colombia... but Mommy and Daddy say that I was never abandoned; that my biological mother was simply looking for a better life for me and did the best possible thing she could do in order to help me. Some would say that I was completely alone for the first 10 months of my life... Mommy and Daddy say that I was never alone, and that I was guided right into their arms by a higher power. Most people believe that my Mommy and Daddy saved my life... But they will be the first to tell you that I was the one who saved theirs.

So It's time for me to leave you now and I wish you all the best. There are many opinions out there regarding adoption, and I'll be the first to tell you that everyone is entitled to their point of view. As for me? I think it's a life changer and definitely worth the wait, the money and the mental strain that it can sometimes induce. Believe me when I tell you that non of that will matter once you are united with your family. I can't even remember my life before meeting my parents. Daddy says that he feels like his entire life was a warm-up and a prelude for that exact moment when he first held me in his arms. Mommy says that she was born to be my Mother. I tend to agree with her... Because I know that I was born to be her son.

Monday, June 13, 2011

They're Baaaaaaaaaaack!

Arriba Mexico Amigos! My parents are home from their vacation and all is right with the world again. Don't get me wrong... I love my Abuela Angie and I thank her for doing everything that she did for me over the last 10 days... you know, the little things like keeping me fed, clothed and alive.
But if I've learned one thing during these last few days it's that I'm all about the Mommy/Daddy dynamic. It's the reason I adopted them in the first place. They're fun to have around and, as I am starting to find out, are pretty interesting and deranged creatures.

Take this vacation as an example... They were sooooo excited about getting as far away from me as possible so that they could sleep in and stay up late and do God knows what with their time... and then guess what? After about 2 days of fun in the sun, there they were on the computer making faces at me every morning and night. Make up your mind people!

But I guess there is no use crying over spilt guacamole as Daddy likes to say so I guess it's better if I just go ahead and present a little slide show that I'm going to call...


This is the pool where Mommy and Daddy spent most of their time while they were on vacation. Mommy says that she read a lot while Daddy slept. What? Like they couldnt've done those things with me around? (wink wink)

Big freakin deal. I had a pool too. And my pool came complete with my Tio Yared who let me ride him around like a sea horse.

From all of the stories that I've heard there was also another lady that was on vacation with them. Somebody named Margarita. I don't know who she is but apparantly she joined them everyday and brought along her friends Pina Colada and Strawberry Daquiri. I don't know about you but it sounds pretty crowded and not very relaxing.

Big, stupid deal. I had 3 juice boxes and some apple sauce on my way to Tampa for my vacation and you don't see me bragging.

I farted a total of 87 times during a 4 hour trip... okay now I'm bragging.

According to Mommy, Daddy spent quite a bit of time hanging out here during the vacation. I don't know about you guys but it looks pretty boring to me. There's no toys or bikes or anything and yet every time Daddy sees this photo he smiles and his eyes get a little watery.

This was what they ate most of the time. Daddy calls it getting his Vitamin T.
Tacos, Tortillas, Tequilas, Tecates and Tamales.

This is my new friend Cuco. He agrees with me that vacations are for losers.

Nice doggy... You'd never leave me to go to another country to lounge by a pool and get waited in hand and foot.... would you?

Yes yes yes, I know that you're a ferocious guard dog and that you are trained to kill bla, bla, bla.

To me your just a furry futon with funky breath.

This is Mommy and Daddy on Day 5 of their vacation. Can someone please explain to me what they're so happy about?

Who needs them? I have a hammock... I have some bread... I have a giraffe on my shirt... I'm good.

Funny story about my Parent's vacation. While they were there, my Mommy fell in love with their Ceviche. She ordered it every single day and the waiters noticed...

So they convinced the Head Chef to come out and teach her how to make it. Mommy says to never underestimate the power of being nice to people... it'll get you far. That's how she got Daddy to like her. Daddy then mumbled something about false advertising and Mommy hit him with her shoe.

On my vacation I went to the kiddy park in Tampa... Why am I crying? Because my entire diaper just went up my butt.

Esteban Joel... 3D toddler.

Tio Yared! I'm swimming! I'm actually swimming!

Oh... Did I forget to mention that I learned to fly last week? Yeah.. Getting left out of vacations gives you super-human powers. It's a common fact.

Ok... act casual. Is the demon dog looking at me? I SAID ACT CASUAL!

Ok... I don't want to hear it. The car seat belongs to my cousin Bella. AND SHE'S A GIRL, OKAY?

All things being equal... I think my vacation was better than theirs.

Okay... maybe not.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Acts of Charity and Lunacy

My evil plan to make my parents lose their will to live via lack of REM sleep has taken a major step backwards. Just when I felt that their backs were against the ropes... just when I could swear I was starting to hear them weep in their bedroom after having to put me down 4 times .

My secret informant, code name: Puerto Rican Granny, has told me that they are about to go on a week-long vacation... but get this... without me.


Oh no they didn't!
Oh yes... they did.

Do you know what this means? 7 whole days of sleeping in as late as they want to. 7whole days of not having to worry about my feeding or napping or pooping schedule. 7whole days where all they have to worry about is making sure that they have enough sunblock and access to the mini-bar. This is not good. This is going to set me back at least 6 months. I have them almost exactly where I want them. They are tired, they are cranky and they are practically at the end of their ropes. They haven't turned on each other yet, but that was the next step. But that's all over now.
They're going to come home after a week of being together without me and they will be rested... recharged... and ready to go again. This is not good. My Abuelita Angie will be taking care of me while my parents are off in some God-Forsaken place called the Mayan Riviera. Don't get me wrong, I love my Abuelita Angie, but my evil powers don't work on her. My parents are one thing... they're feeble-minded and weak. But Abuelita has experience and a self-confidence as a parent that I can't break. No matter what I do... 3AM tantrums, refusing to eat, refusing to poop.... she's been there, done that. She raised 3 kids on a Puerto Rican mountain top before there was internet or DirecTV. Think about that... No on-line kiddy games and puzzles to keep them distracted while she cooked, no kiddy programs like Dora the Explorer or The Goodnight Show... That's pretty hardcore parenting if you ask me. I don't know... maybe I'll prepare for a week and have a nice surprise waiting for Mommy and Daddy when they get back. Poison Ivy or projectile diarrhea... I'll think of something.

A couple of things happened last week that show the extremes of my parent's personalities. It all began with a charity walk-a-thon that my Mommy put together at my favorite place in the whole world... the zoo. We raised a lot of money for the organization that helped me adopt my parents. That's a good thing because I know from experience that there are a lot of kids out there looking to adopt parents just like I did and this charity walk helped them all take one step closer to that goal.

The adoption process is a long, tough and winding road that takes you places that you've never been before emotionally. But here's the hook... by the time you get your parents, you don't remember a single minute of the tough times... only the great moments. These attractive kids that you see to the left are just like me. No, I don't mean short, dark and beautiful... I mean that they were all lucky enough to be able to adopt a good set of parents who will take care of them and love them forever... or at least until they turn 30. That's how long Daddy says I have before I am required by law to take care of him.

Boy... the laws in this country sure are strict.

The other thing that happened last week is something of a tradition in Miami. Mommy and Daddy call it Food Truck Night. Every night of the week a bunch of local food trucks get together and park in different locations all over the city. On Thursdays they all go to the same park in the downtown area... on Mondays they all go to the mall in South Miami... and on tuesdays they all come and park in an empty field right next to our neighborhood.
People bring their picnic blankets and lawn chairs and can select from a large variety of food. Hamburgers, Chinese food, Mexican food, Pizzas and snow cones. depends what your in the mood for. There's even a truck that only makes grilled cheese sandwiches (over 50 varieties). Let me tell you something sports fans... you haven't lived until you've had a grilled cheese sandwich made with mozzarella cheese, bacon bits, chives and grilled onions on toasted sourdough bread. It's good stuff.

We went out last Tuesday with Padrino Poncho, Madrina Michelle and of course my fiancee Gia. Everyone chilled and had a great time. The adults sat around talking while us kids ran around and explored the location. It's a good time and all, but.... I don't get it. What is it about you Americans that makes you want to do things backwards. In Colombia you eat outside only when you have to. Everyone prefers to eat indoors and they do it whenever they can... but not here.

Here in America you guys do everything wrong. You eat outside when you don't have to... you go camping and sleep in tents instead of a hotel... you like to cook hot dogs outside instead of in the kitchen... On hot days you go outside to the beach instead of staying inside where its cool. It's ridiculous. I don't understand how it is that this country is a leading power in the world when everyone is running around acting so goofy. But you know what?...
What the heck. If you can't beat 'em... join 'em.


Step 1: Act casual. Oh hello... I didn't you were here.

Step 2: Initiate contact. Oh.. you have a little dirt on you. Let me take care of that for you.

Step 3: Make your move. C'mere girl.

Why hasn't he called?

Uh... because he can't dail a phone yet... or talk... or control his gas.

Come here Pepe Lepe. Heel Pepe Lepe. Follow me Pepe Lepe...

Okay... stay Pepe Lepe... Good boy.

Esteban Joel... Weenie dog whisperer.

Abuelita Angie Likes the food trucks almost as much as I like her... Almost.

I like my Tio Yared alot. He plays with me a lot and he doesn't mind when I surprise him with my grilled cheese sandwich farts. Wups... that last one was a bonus.

Bet you can't catch me Abuelita...

Bet you can't catch me...

Okay, fine... you caught me. But I was distracted by that guy's ridiculous outfit. Black socks at an outdoor event? Really?

Just look at that face. Can I pick 'em, or what?