Friday, September 10, 2010

Popularity Contest

Anybody who's ever adopted parents will tell you that while it is a very fulfilling and noble endeavor... it can also be a bit like a television dating game show. You have to keep in mind the type of people that you are dealing with. These are fully grown adults with no shame... On their best behavior... who are trying very very hard to get you to like them.

You, literally, can do no wrong. You poop yourself... they celebrate the fact that you're not constipated. You burp loudly... they cheer like it's New year's Eve. You scream any combination of abstract sounds... and they repeat it back to you just as loudly because they think you're trying to communicate with them. (hint to grownups... we're just yelling out random noises because we can. There's no secret code or message... get over it)

The secret is learning to not abuse this new-found power. If you become a demanding little dictator, you run the risk that they will quickly tire of your demands and hang you with the dreaded spoiled label. Once that happens, you might as well pack it in because no one likes being around a spoiled little kid.

The trick is knowing how to pick your battles. For example: Don't cry every time you're hungy... that way when you do, they'll treat you like a king because they'll think they did something wrong by not feeding you on time. And here's another little trick I picked up... you ready? It's a big one...


That's it. It sounds simple, I know but trust me... A perfectly timed smile will turn both of your parents into bumbling idiots and cause them to do ridiculous things. I remember one time when Daddy and I were in the car on our way home from a doctor's appointment. He casually told me that he loved me and when he looked back at me... I smiled.


You would have thought that he had just discovered the cure for male-pattern baldness. He immediately pulled the car over and got into the back seat with me and started saying I love you over and over again trying to get me to smile again.. as if that were the magic word or something. Of course I just stared at him the whole time with a blank expression on my face. After about 300 I love you's he finally gave up and got back in the front seat. He starts the car... looks back at me and says: Ok, monkey-boy... let's go. I give him a huge smile... and we spend another 20 minutes in the back seat together while he repeats the word monkey boy to me 300 more times. Of course... I didn't smile a single time.

I own him.

This is my Titi Grizi and she says that she's taking me back to Puerto Rico with her in this brand new, super-exclusive VIP method of traveling called: The Over-Head Compartment. I don't have all of the details yet but it sounds very exciting... I wonder if I get free movies.

You know something... originally I got into Titi Grizi's bag as a joke but it's actually not that bad... once you get used to the smell of fried plantaine.

Wardrobe for Esteban Joel: Amazing Boy Blogger provided by The Preppy Astronaut... toddler section.