Friday, August 13, 2010

My Do's and Don'ts

I know what you're thinking. He's so handsome... but why is he eating crackers when he has no teeth? My answer is very simple. I don't need them.

As a matter of fact, I've discovered that there are a lot of things out there that a human being can eat without having a single tooth in his entire head. The following is my list so far:
1) Rice
2) Beans
3) Avocados
4) Tomatoes
5) Mashed Potatoes
6) Chicken
7) Saltine Crackers
8) Pasta
9) Flour Tortillas
10) Cheese
11) Eggs
12) Toast
13) Cherries
14) Oatmeal
I've discovered a lot of things about myself since I moved to the United States. I know it's barely been a month but I've already noticed a couple of things that are drastically different from when I used live in Cali... and a couple of things that are still the same.

I sleep more over here. I also eat more. I like my room a lot. I've never had my own private space... I like it. Everything in there is mine. Daddy says I need to learn to share... we'll see.

I've learned that I operate really well in public places. Malls, restaurants, Mommy and Daddy's workplaces. As long as I have something to roll around in like my stroller or my blue car... I'm good. People are amazed by how well I behave. They can't believe it. Daddy tells them that of course I'm well behaved... I'm exhausted from screaming for the entire 45 minute car ride there. Daddy then tells everyone that he is only joking... sort of.

Now that I'm an official gringo like the rest of you, I have learned to accept and participate in a couple of American customs. I love malls and AC in the car and hair gel and humidifiers and toys that light up and television and baby vitamins and swing chairs and really good strollers and the internet cameras that show me my extended family. I also love having a cat around to terrorize. I love speaker phones and remote controls and DVD players and computer mouses and cameras.

I still hate baby car seats, having to wear clothes, having to wear socks, having to wear PJs, having to wear shoes.

I don't like apple juice or apple sauce or apple slices. I don't like to be carried if we are not moving around. I don't like to be in my car or stroller unless we are moving. And I especially don't like the plastic Jar Jar Binks doll that Padrino Poncho gave me. At first, I wouldn't play with it just because it looked kinda weird and creepy... and then Daddy showed me episode II.

Really Padrino Poncho? Out of all of the characters that you had to choose from, you chose Jar Jar Binks ? I'll bet you're also a Carrot Top fan aren't you?
Joel... Esteban Joel. Undercover agent. Does that... excite you?
Wow! Yes that was quite entertaining, Mother. Thank you for that. Uh... one question. How are we going to remove the diaper that just went completely up my butt?
Hit the button... and a horn outside honks. Hit the button again... and the horn honks outside again. This is amazing. Does Daddy know about this trick?
I gotta tell you, I agree with Mommy. La Macarena is one of the most under-appreciated dances of all time.
Tio Angel asked what brand of diapers I used and Daddy told him Howard Huggies.