Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Rites and Rituals

I've begun to notice a lot of strange little habits and behavioral patterns from my newly adopted parents. They weren't showing these behavioral patterns while we were in Colombia, but now that we've been home for more than a month they are both starting to settle into their normal groove of living and all of these little ticks and glitches are starting to show themselves.

For example, this past weekend was some sort of big deal for Daddy. His favorite NFL team began to practice for the up-coming season and he was all a flutter. I've never seen him so happy... wait, that's not true.

Suddenly, the entire house was running around and getting ready to watch the TV. Daddy put on his jersey... then he made Mommy, Abuelita, Tio Yared and Titi Grizi also put on jersies.... Mommy made chicken wings and tostones... I was allowed to stay up late so I could participate. Really? All this fuss for a practice game? Geez, I can't wait to see how he reacts when the games actually count.

This whole thing about wearing a football jersey while watching other people play a game is ridiculous to me. Really, Daddy? Do you all dress up like doctors whenever you watch Grey's Anatomy?

I think Daddy is under the impression that we are going to be watching football games together this up-coming season. He's so cute. I just love how naive and gullible they are at this stage of first-time parenthood.

Let's see Daddy... an average football game is 3 hours long and I'm supposed to sit on the couch next to you for those 3 hours so you can watch your game? Uh... no. I'll be crawling around the house at high speeds forcing you to chase after me. Remember that Mommy will be working on her TV show every Sunday until Thanksgiving so you'll be on your own, my friend. I will specifically use those 3 hours that your game is on to demand to go outside and play. I will need to be changed... I will need to be fed... I will need to be read to. I will not nap, play quietly or be interested at all by what is on the giant screen in front of me.

I know you think Padrino Poncho is your best friend, but he's not. Not anymore. Tivo is your new best friend. Embrace your new best friend because that is the only way that you'll be watching any of your games this season. I know you think I'm being tough on you, but It's for your own good. Trust me... you'll be a better man for it.

I got a chance to spend a lot of time with my Tio Yared this past Saturday. Yared is Mommy's kid brother and he works with her on her TV show. He took me to my favorite mall to take a little cruise in my car. He's nice to me. He likes to play rough just like I do and he likes cars just like I do.

Funny story about my Tio Yaro. He loves to play poker. So the last time he was in Miami visiting Daddy took him to one of the casinos in the area to try his luck against the pros. Daddy says that they walked in and sat down and he didn't even get a chance to order some nachos before Tio Yared had already busted out of the game. It took, literally, 90 seconds for my Tio to lose all of his money. Ever since then, whenever Daddy drives past that casino as he cruises down the turnpike he always takes a moment to wave to Tio Jared's money. I don't think Tio finds it quite as funny as Daddy does, but what's he going to do? That's family for you.
It's not every 13 month old that gets his very own jacuzzi. Daddy says that these square-shaped tubs are going to be all the rage soon. I guess that makes me sort of a pioneer... it's just how I roll.
This is my favorite trick... watch........... there he goes again. Everytime I hold the baseball, Daddy cries.
Daddy showed me how to do it. All you do is wave your arms around a lot and splash the water... he calls it a Mexican Hot Tub.
Good afternoon officer... No, I do not have my license and registration with me. I don't even know what those things are, to be quite honest with you. Wait... that's not a cop, that's Daddy. Wait... that's not a radar gun, that's a giant pretzle.
Tell the truth... I'm like George Clooney in The Perfect Storm, right?
Are we Glostermen, or are we Glostermen!
The Boy of Steel ponders his next move and wonders if the bad guys can tell that he's flying around with a diaper full of kryptonite.
Uh... I don't mean to be critical Tio Yaro... but it's supposed to be wax on, wax off. Not circle, circle, cirlce, circle.
Okay... you are not one for a little constructive criticism... I get that now and I apologize.