Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It's All Relative

One of the most important steps in the adoption journey is the bonding stage. This is the process by which the parent and child will slowly create that unbreakable relationship that will, hopefully, last a lifetime.

The textbooks say that this process can last as much as a whole year to fully establish... I don't know about you people, but I don't have that kind of time.

I need to know right now... are these people really the ones? Are they going to be my parents for the rest of my life? Will they stick with me through thick and thin? Will they embarrass me when I become a teenager?

Well, there's only one way to find out... I had to meet some of the extended family. I figure if the family is full of weirdos I should know about it right away. Daddy's family is far away in Texas but Mommy has some family that lives right here in Florida. So we set off on a little journey to meet them. I had to see for myself what kind of situation I was getting myself into.

So it's time for the part of our show that we like to call:

Hello aunt Janet. I was hoping you could direct me to the nearest bathroom because I really need to... Oh hello kissy kissy Lady. Oooooh kissy kissy feels nice...
Wups... Don't look at me lady. I warned you that I had to go the bathroom.
These are my new cousins. Carlitos... Tatiana... and Bella. Listen... I don't know what rules you people follow around here, but I'm used to being the cutest kid in the room and... I'm just not feeling it today. I don't know where you found these child models to make me feel self conscious but I don't appreciate it, and I hate them all!
What's that you say? You think I'm the cutest thing you've ever seen? Well... what a coincidence. I was just saying the same thing about you guys. Wheeee! I love my cousins!
Let's dance everybody. Nice Robot Bella... I call this move The Colombian Superman.
She looks harmless, right? The sad truth is that aunt June, here is actually a professional con-artist that is wanted by the FBI in the United States and Los Federales in Mexico. 3 minutes after this picture was taken I noticed that my wallet and two pairs of my socks were missing.
This is Titi Lydia. When we got there Daddy noticed that she had lost a little weight recently and he mentioned to her that she was looking pretty good. She then informed Daddy that she was starting a college fund for me. Daddy immediately told her that she was the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen... including his mother.
Woah, woah, woah... wait a second. Are you telling me that they have cakes in this country... made of ice cream? God Bless America!
Why is everybody looking at me? What's that song that they're singing? I feel pressured... WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?
Now what? I'm supposed to blow out the candle? What if I don't want to? What if I prefer the candle lit? What if I prefer my desserts on fire when I eat them? Oh, never mind... you guys already spit all over my cake.
I got presents... I got cake... I got a lot of attention... yep, I think we're bonding all right.