An idea came to me as Daddy was preparing me for my morning bath... what I needed to do in order to really torture these two was to come down with my first minor illness. Nothing serious, just something basic that any parent with experience would laugh at... but would throw these two amateures into a tizzy.
And then it came to me... constipation. It was perfect. All I had to do was make a couple of faces like if I was in pain... grunt a little bit... cry a lot... and presto, instant new parent panic attack.
"Where did I go wrong?"
"What did you feed him?"
"How was I supposed to know that rice cereal would be bad for him?"
It was awesome! Mommy was feeling guilty, Daddy was on the internet researching the long-term effects of starchy foods on infants. I felt like a mini-evil mastermind.... Then Mommy called her cousin Sayra in Puerto Rico and I heard the 2 words that changed my life forever... Glycerin Suppositories.
Score: Mommy/Daddy- 1... Mini-Evil Mastermind- 0
So after that delightful trip to the land of NEVER AGAIN! Daddy decided that we were all going to go out and spend a nice day at the park. I thought "sure... why not?" I mean after the morning I had just had, I could use a little time out in the sunshine enjoying nature. No problem, right? Wrong.
Uh... I'm a little embarrassed to say this but... I'd never seen grass before. How was I supposed to know? I'm 11 months old! They never took me outside back where I used to live before. So... it was a bit of an experience.
It felt weird... It felt scary... I didn't want it touching my feet or hands.
Finally Mommy said that I had had enough and called it a day. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Adopting that lady is the best decision I've ever made.
This "Daddy" character is okay too, I guess. But he says that I better get used to this green stuff if I'm going to grow up to be a professional athlete. I don't know what this "sports" thing is all about... but if it's anything like that cure for my constipation that they gave me this morning, I don't want anything to do with it.