Tuesday, January 11, 2011

And The Holiday Hits Keep Coming!

Monday, 8:42 AM
Captain's Log
Star date: 1-4-11.

The day started off just like any other. Woke up, had my breakfast (bananas and oranges and oatmeal and yogurt) and then picked out another smashing outfit for the day. I've turned into quite the closet horse. I could wear a different outfit everyday for a month and never repeat a single article of clothing. It's crazy. Daddy says that my closet looks like I have at least 3 siblings. What can I say? If you're gonna act like a rock star... you gotta roll like a rock star. In any case, I thought it was time for Mommy and I to retire to the living room where she usually attempts to get a little work done on her computer while I do everything in my power to prevent that very thing from happening. It's a little game I invented called: Nobody gets anything done while I'm awake.

Daddy's officially calling it my Tazmanian Devil Phase. I am now totally up and walking. I am mobile... I am totally free to roam the house at higher rates of speed... I can now get from the living room to the kitchen in 3 seconds and attack your legs with ninja-style karate chops while you are trying to wash dishes, make a sandwich, make a phonecall, drink some water, feed the cat or wash your hands. I strike often and I strike hard. You will not be able to accomplish anything substantial. I will not allow it. Not now. Not yet. But today was different. We didn't go to the living room... instead, we went outside.

Now, normally I'm the first one to suggest a quick trip to the park. I love it, especially now that I'm walking full-time. Did you guys know that the parks in this country have jungle jims and swings that are smaller than normal for the younger kids like me? I'll tell you what... I miss my beloved Colombia, but you guys sure do alot of little things right over here. I'm starting to see what all the fuss is about. I love to climb and crawl and slide and swing and all of that. But we weren't going to the park... Not today. Today, we were going to the weeds.
Allow me to explain... It seems that the holidays are not over quite yet. So far, I've been forced to:
1) Dress as a monkey and then go out onto the streets and beg for candy
2) Travel to Texas to eat way too much turkey and then watch way too much football with my grandfather.
3) Travel to Puerto Rico and meet all 3 million of my new relatives while mounting tractors, horses, cows, lawn mowers, wagons, motorcycles, scooters and one very freaked out goat.
4) Travel to Orlando to Visit Titi Mayra and then get woken up to watch Daddy pop fireworks at midnight.

But apparently all of that isn't enough. There's one last bit of business that we have to attend to called El Dia De Los Santos Reyes Magos... or Three Kings Day for those of you in the hot dogs and apple pie section of the audience.
The legend goes something like this: On January 6th, the 3 Wise Men from the nativity story come to your house and sneak in (otherwise known as breaking and entering). They then make their way into your room while you are sleeping and drop off various valuable goods (otherwise known as fencing stolen property). Now the twist to this little story is that January 6th is also Mommy's birthday. So that means she gets a present too. Yaaaaaay says Daddy. Back to the mall for me! Yaaaaay!

Now the trick is that you have to leave some grass in a box under your bed... why?... so that their camels can have a quick snack before moving on to the next house to deliver more presents. Mommy says that that's how they find you. They follow the scent of the grass. So we had to make extra sure that we got some really good stuff for them.

You know what? I know that this is the part where I usually start mocking the silly holiday tradition that my Mommy and Daddy now have me participating in... but I kinda like this one. I don't know if it's the idea of real live camels in my room or maybe it's sijply because I get to share a special day with Mommy, but I've decided to buy into this one. I know I was a bit rough on old Saint Nick last week, but quite frankly I find it a lot easier to believe that a traveling think tank of 3 wise men and their camels can deliver presents to me in one night a lot better than an elderly man with flying reindeer and obvious labor union issues.

But I digress.

So Mommy, Daddy and I make sure that the box is full of grass and we are now ready for the big day. Will the camels like the grass? Will the 3 wise men be able to find my room? Will Daddy's snoring scare off the camels and the wise men and make them think that we are harboring a pack of wild pigs in the house? All of these being valid and tangible concerns. Either way, we'd have to wait and see.

Wednesday, 7:49 AM
Captain's Log
Star date: 1-6-11

I missed the camels! I tried to stay awake as long as I could... but could not, in the end, hold on. When I woke up, the grass was all gone and there were 2 presents for me under my bed! Nice. Again... I don't mean to be keep beating on the same dead horse but the quality of gift from the 3 wise kings compared to the lightweight stuff that this Santa character brought... I'm just saying.

Mommy got a nice present from Daddy too. She was a little sad though, because he had to go away on a business trip and could not be here for her special day. But that's Okay... She and I spent the entire day together and she said that she wouldn't want to spend her birthday with anybody else... except for maybe Enrique Iglesias... or Rachel Ray... Maybe Ellen.

Daddy would like to offer this photo as official evidence that he participated in the ritual eventhough he considers himself more of a Santa man.

Ha! That was funny Daddy. How you said that there were crocodiles around here that specialize in eating little dark-skinned boys with curly hair.... wait.... what was that noise?

Can I close the box now Mommy?
Not yet.
How about now?
Not yet.
How about now?
Esteban please.
How about now? Can I close the box now?

33... 12... 19... 24... 9... 82...88... Geez. This would be going a lot faster if I actually knew how to count. Stupid Camels. Why can't they eat rice and beans like the rest of us.