I woke up one morning to learn that the house was full of family. I don't just mean the usual Mommy/Dadddy two-man crew that handles my day-to-day care and maintanance. I'm talking about my Abuela Angie all the way from Puerto Rico, some of my aunts from Orlando and Kentucky and even my favorite cousin Divya (not a typo). Why were they here? I'll get back to that later, but first I'd like to say a few things about the hand that I was dealt when I adopted my parents.
Understand one thing about the adoption process: It's a complete crap shoot. There are no guarantees when it comes to the genetic make up of the 2 people who will now and forever be the ones taking care of you. Adoptive parents come from all walks of life. Some are teachers, some are lawyers... some live in countries like Italy or Sweden. But its not so much about what they do for a living or where they live... it's more about type of people that they are.
Are they boring? Are they fun? Are they strict? Because, guess what? The parent's personality is usually passed on to their kids. Think about that for a moment... I could grow up to be a real tool and it would be all their faults. I'm telling you, it's all about the type of parents that you end up with. You could get with a pair of brilliant and cultured people who are real pillars of society and worldly.... Or you could end up with a couple of nut jobs like my parents.
Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I give you exhibit A: The recent Running of the Brides event that my Mommy participated in. the lovely young woman that you see to the left is my Aunt Suhey (not a typo). And she will be getting married soon and was in dire need of a wedding dress. What to do? Well, apparently there exists an annual event where designer wedding dresses go for bargain prices. Mommy says that we're talking about $7,000 dresses going for $200 and as Daddy likes to say: That's no chicken feed. So Mommy called in all of her troops for reinforcement. Aunts, cousins and uncles from all over the country saw the Puerto Rican Bat Signal and gathered together to formulate a plan of attack.
The following are images of the event captured by my trusty papparazzi. I was not there as my tight schedule of sleeping, pooping and drooling did not allow for such endeavours.
Step 1: Make sure that you are the first in line by arriving at 3:00PM the day before the event and setting up base camp from where you will communicate and coordinate everything. That's Mommy talking the Navy SEAL team that took out Osama Bin Laden.
Step 2: Create a sign and let the world know that you take your bargain wedding dress shopping very, very seriously... and that you and your entire family have absolutely no shame whatsoever.
Step 3: Create a plan and stick to it. According to this outline it was my Mommy's job to take out the security guard while My Uncle Caco (not a typo) grabs 10 dresses and runs for the door.
Step 4: Show no mercy when the other brides arrive unprepared to get in line. Offer them no food or water from your stockpile. Rememeber; the weaker they are, the less likely they are to out-run and out-fight you for dresses.
Step 5: Bring more than enough blankets and sweatshirts. Even if you live in a warm weather climate like we do... you never know when it might get chilly late at night. Here we see Mommy and the bride's best friend Jamilet (not a typo) trying to stay warm in 80 degree weather.
Step 6: Keep your composure when it comes to dealing with the press. Being first in line is going to attract attention. The public wants to know what kind of person waits in line all night in order to buy the perfect wedding dress?... Mommy's answer: The same kind of person that waits 3 years for the perfect kid.
Step 7: Don't waste time. Once you and your team are inside just grab all of the dresses that you can and pile 'em up. Worry about trying them on later. Here we see the bride-to-be and her sister Sheyla (not a typo) guarding the pile.
Step 8: Use whatever means necessary to protect the pile. Here we see the bride-to-be using herself as a ferocious barrier so as to not allow anyone else to touch her ever-growing pile. A sound strategy to be sure... however, Mommy says that it might've been more intimidating had the bride weighed more than 100 lbs.
Step 9: When you finally find the dress of your dreams, let the whole world know it. Here we see Team Boricua(not a typo) celebrating a mission very much accomplished.
Step 10: Always follow tradition. For reasons that I don't quite understand, I am unable to show a photo of the bride wearing her dress. Something about the groom and the fact that he follows my blog. In any case... this is what she looked like on the way home. I think she was happy with her selection.
As for me? I was home with my cousin practicing our conga line moves. This is my conga line face. Daddy says it's weird... I say it's sexy.