Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Head Trip

Can you keep a secret? Because I have one to tell you. I'm not sure exactly why I've been keeping this secret from you for so long. I just have. I can't tell you how many times I tried to sit down and write about this very secret on this very blog... only to eventually change my mind and write about something else... about anything else.

I don't know if I was embarrassed or just feeling anxious about the whole situation... either way, I can't put it off any longer. So here I go. I won't be able to hide it anymore for reasons that you will soon realize so I might as well just come out with it. Ready? Here it is:

I'm a robot sent back from the future to warn Linda Hamilton about the rise of the machines and the impending apocolypse. I'm lookeeng fo Sarah Connah... No? No love for the Gov? Fine.

Sorry... Daddy and I were testing the new Blu-Ray this weekend with a little film festival from his movie collection. He calls it part of my Jedi Training where his goal is to make me well rounded and schooled in everything that is considered Daddy Pop Culture. Mommy says that's a fancy way of saying: Daddy wants me to grow up watching the same geeky crap that he did when he was a kid.

But back to my big secret. A couple of weeks ago, Mommy and Daddy took me to a place called Cranial Technologies( order to fix a bump that I have on my head. It's not really a bump so much as it is that I was born with my head a little crooked. These fine people at Cranial tech developed a little brace that babies can wear when they are born with this problem, and it fixes them right up in as little as 3 months.
So we went to their offices and I was measured for my very own custom-made head brace that would be made to fit only me... and my oddly-shaped noggin.

So here we go... My world premier of the look I'll be rocking for the next 3 months:
Ta da!!!! I know what you're thinking... handsome is handsome no matter how silly the head wear.

I'm not sure that I understood you correctly... You're going to make Daddy wear that thing for 3 months and you want me to put it on him for practice?...... Oh, you were speaking to Daddy. That's a relief, I thought I was going to have to force that thing on him. He would've hated that. Can you imagine?.... wait.

Daddy taught me how to do this... It's called using the force and if I concentrate really hard I can levitate the mean lady right out the window................. and she's still here. Great.

Daddy... I really like you and everything but do you really think that now is an appropriate time to teach me to dance La Macarena ?

Esteban Joel Colombian Space Boy makes a few final adjustments to his space gear before venturing out into the great unknown. His mission will be a very important and difficult one... but all that he can think about are the moon rocks in his diapers.

What? You're a giant that feeds on little boys in space helmets? My word... that is very disconcerting... I am very frightened and... wait, that's not a giant... that's Daddy. Wait, that's not a little boy he's eating... that's a cereal bar.

Mommy says that I look like rock star with my new head brace on... I dunno about you... but I think she might be right.

Esteban Joel, Colombian Speed Racer eyes the finish line.

Tell me the truth... does this shirt go with the helmet?

This is an overhead view of the brace. Uh, Daddy... I know you're confused. So before you ask... it's called hair. I'll explain it to you later.

And this is the side view of the brace. If the velcro strap is on the left-hand side of your helmet it means you're available. You hear that ladies?

The helmet came off! The helmet came off! The helmet came off! The helmet finally came off! And with God as my witness... I'm never putting that thing on again!!!!

Uh... okay I just received word that the helmet is only off for a few minutes while they adjust it. So, you know... about all of that with God as my witness stuff I that was saying... never mind.

Whether you like it or not people... this is my look for the next 3 months. Can you dig it?... I knew that you could.

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